I officially Graduated on Monday night. I didn’t have to wear a cap or gown–hate me some mortarboards– and there were cupcakes. It was a small gathering put on by the home-school group. Just us five graduates, our families, and some close friends. My best friend drove 2hrs to be there. I wore my white Ukrainian blouse, a thrifted gray skirt, and for a belt–a piece of teal silk I had on hand.
So now we’re done with High School, which is weird.
My violin teacher sat me down at my lesson this Wednesday and had me write up a list of goals– no “I dunno’s” or “Maybe’s” allowed– either “Yes” or “No”. I wasn’t allowed to base my answers on what I thought possible, but what I really wanted. He said that,
‘Our ultimate goal is Godly joy and happiness, which is not based on circumstances but in fulfilling God’s plan and purpose for our lives. If we are moving in the direction we think God wants us to go, it is easy for God to direct us. When we sit still and do nothing, we become depressed and unmotivated.’
It was really difficult to stop thinking of all the ways things weren’t possible, and to just admit to what I want. I felt vulnerable, because I’m afraid of not getting what I want, and it feels safer to only want what I think I can have. I wonder if that limits my faith in God? But you know, I do feel better. More energy, somehow, like the feeling I get when I find where I am on a map. Mr. S. said I am allowed to change the list, add to it, erase it, start over– every day if I want. But I have to have a list, and read that list every day.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”~Lewis Carroll
I’m blogging again, that’s a good thing. I haven’t wanted to in a long time. I had nothing to say. After this post is up, I’ll practice my violin– something else I haven’t really wanted to in a long time. I want to move up a book, you know, and it will take an hour and fifteen minutes a day to do it. Weirdly enough, I’m excited. I haven’t felt anticipation for *life* in a long time. It’s good to be back. It’s good to be moving.